No cussing in the UAE

When in the UAE to avoid deportation for swearing try using obscure, cockney or shakesperean sex-related insults. The locals will be less familiar with these and if they do know them then fair cop. Try any of the following:

Frottage, frig, merchant banker, country house, I bite my thumb at you sir, stick it where the sun don't shine, fudge packer, friend of dorothy etc etc

"If you swim in the sea then you should always go swimming with a fat girl because sharks will go for them first."

From http://www.27bslash6.com/slyseb.html

Save money on cosmetic surgery!

To save money on expensive cosmetic surgery simply tell people That you are 15 years older than you really are. That way they will invariably comment on how young you look and you can wink and say “I have a great plastic surgeon” at which point they will assume you are rich and glamorous.

I can't be bothered. This blogging thing is too hard to do when you have to hold down a full-time job. So from now on I'm just going to limit my posts to 100 words and make them observations and advice for people generally.