No cussing in the UAE

When in the UAE to avoid deportation for swearing try using obscure, cockney or shakesperean sex-related insults. The locals will be less familiar with these and if they do know them then fair cop. Try any of the following:

Frottage, frig, merchant banker, country house, I bite my thumb at you sir, stick it where the sun don't shine, fudge packer, friend of dorothy etc etc

"If you swim in the sea then you should always go swimming with a fat girl because sharks will go for them first."

From http://www.27bslash6.com/slyseb.html

Save money on cosmetic surgery!

To save money on expensive cosmetic surgery simply tell people That you are 15 years older than you really are. That way they will invariably comment on how young you look and you can wink and say “I have a great plastic surgeon” at which point they will assume you are rich and glamorous.

I can't be bothered. This blogging thing is too hard to do when you have to hold down a full-time job. So from now on I'm just going to limit my posts to 100 words and make them observations and advice for people generally.

I've been here a couple of months now and one thing that I just dont get is how everyone here drives like their pissed. I hired a car for a month but just forked out 80,000 dirhams (that's 24k in real money) for a black Mitsubishi Lancer GT. I was going to go for a Chevy Lumina but I decided to go for reliability over class. Anyway the Lumie was a bit out of my price range, at least the model I wanted. Where was I oh yeah so they drive here like they've been on the hard stuff and almost everyone driving seems to be on their mobile which is a bit odd. You'd think it would be illegal like most other places.

So I mention the driving to the guys at work and one of them, this pommy guy I'll call Mike says that its a macho thing and that the blokes here pass their time by driving like their retarded. He says its like a tradition here. I didnt believe him at first but I guess it must be true considering how they drive, especially the Indians and the Pakis. So I cant say how long the new Lancer will be in one peice with all these retards on the road. Will keep you posted...

Hi and welcome to Shanes World UAE

My name is Shane du Tarr and welcome to my blog page - Shanes World UAE!!!!

This is my first blog post since arriving in sunny UAE. I'm from just as sunny Perth in Australia although I was born in beatiful Gympie in Queensland.

I have been in UAE since early Febuary 2010 when my wife Kristii and me moved over here for my new job in a bank in the DIFC in Dubai. Kristii and I love it here. It rocks!!! I used to work for Westpac in Perth as a relationship manager in business banking (SMEs, mainly agri with a bit of retail) but I saw an ad for a job at a bank here and after only 3 interviews they offered me the job so I took it!!!! Mum and dad (I call him that but he's not my real dad hes my step-dad) were gutted but I promised to come back home a lot (theres a direct flight to Perth on Emirates), to call twice a week and to let them know how I was doing by writing a blog (that was my cousin Steves idea). So here goes!!!!!!

This is only the second time I have been outside Oz (the first time was for my sisters wedding in New Zealand) and now I'm a bono fide expat. Wicked!!! I'm really lovin Dubai and its way better than I thought it would be and theres so much to do. It's a bit like Perth and the people are really nice although I don't understand arabic yet. The press back home give this place a bad rep but its not all true. But more on that later!!!!!

I hope you enjoy my blog.

Stay positive and remember its only a problem if you let it be one!!!!!

Hi mum and dad miss ya!!!